Memories

I lost a dear friend this week. The man I took care of passed on Monday. In his sleep. He was 86 and led a very good life. He always knew what to say when I was down. He always wanted to hear what I had to say, always asked me about my day, what's on my mind, and ALWAYS knew when I had a heavy heart, no matter how bright a smile I pasted on my face. He was the father I never had and I was the daughter he never had. We talked about that pretty often. He spoke often of his wife who was so beautiful. He called out for her when he was confused forgetting that she had passed years ago. It made me think about things like that. When I am gone who will have loved me so much that they can't stand living without me? He said that God had someone in mind for me, and that I was made to be loved like that too. We spent hours and hours in the Bible me reading to him to calm him or just talking about what had been taught in church that week. Some nights he couldn't sleep and we would sing hymns for hours. The sleepless nights were laden with some of the most precious moments of my life. And as heart wrenching as it was to watch him deteriorate, and watch his mind slip away, he's still one of the best friends I'll ever have. I'll treasure every talk, every smile, every hug,every kind word he spoke to me, and every tear we shed together. Here's to an amazing friend!

Blindsided

I got home from Idaho and a week later was greeted by a text. You know that feeling when something just isn't right? I got my heart broken, through text messaging no less. Talk about adding insult to injury. That day I cried. I had forgotten what being in, and consequently ending a relationship felt like. The next day I got mad, irritated, and frustrated. And the day after I got kind of depressed, wishing he'd change his mind. I just flew through the 5 stages of grief by doubling up some days. By day 10 I was numb and have now found acceptance. (the 5th stage) Okay well I actually accepted it alot earlier. My question is, why did I have to move out of Idaho for the men in Idaho to become interested in me? Seriously. I have another one now. Polar opposite of the last one, and I'm beginning to think that's a good thing. I'm kind of keeping him at arms length because I don't want the pressure of "when are you moving back to Idaho?" everyday like before. Slow and steady before I drive myself crazy. Sarah and I are trying to move into our own place here and it's the CUTEST house ever! Crossing fingers